One day you're just doing your normal routine. You get up. You go to work and then while you're there you get this news that shakes you down to the core. This has happened a few times to me over the past years and yes, it's all been at work. Last month I started reflected more and more after the one-year mark of a friend's death came about. Until I attempted to post one day, I never realized how her death had me seek out more. And in a way got me back to being the me I haven't been in a while.
This week I got another bit of news that shook up my world. News I guess you could say I kind of always knew could possibly happen. While I shouldn't be shocked, I am. Along with a mixture of a lot of other feelings. So once again, I'm thinking of life. Thinking of how school is coming to an end, the debt I have, the debt I'll be having soon, dreams of writing, failed dreams, wondering what job I'm going to have, wondering if I'm going to have to move, worried about family stuff, and well - just the normal downfall of life. Then this news sprung on me, and while I was on break at work worried and stressed to the max about every little thing it was like my entire brain just came to this sudden halt and said:
Amber Dawn.
Shut up.
Just shut up for a second and listen to me.
Look around you.
Look at what you have.
Look at what you've accomplished.
Look at who you have in your life.
You are alive.
You have the best set of parents and the most supportive crazy family some people would love to have.
You have amazing friends who have stuck by you for YEARS. Some for 20+ years.
You have so much and you don't even realize it.
You are blessed.
I laughed with my tears. Cracked up and thought
Wow. Just wow.
I'm not the type of person who stands by the phrase: It could always be worse. It honestly drives me nuts when people say this. I know it could be worse. I know someone out there does have it worse. But it doesn't make my problems snap away in a poof of smoke because one day I say: Oh so and so has it way worse so that means ________ (fill in blank problem) will just go away. How easy! Bye-bye problem!
No, I don't roll that way.
But....I need to work another way. I need to stop letting little things just come all over me and make me spaz out or make me so stressed I'm so sick I can't do anything. I need to get a handle on negativity and certain views..
I guess that's what real bad news is good for. Sometimes when news punches you in the gut, you just have to take a step back, breathe, and remember that you still have a lot. You still have so much more than you will ever truly know how to appreciate until it's taken away from you. Some things you can never get back. Some people will never get to see again. While I know I'm not going to wake up every day from here on out shooting rainbows out of my butt, wearing a constant smile, and never let anything stress me out, I'm going to start having more faith in myself and in others. I'm going to start remembering to breath. And breath a lot. But most importantly I'm going to start appreciating the living heck out of life and those that are in it. Because once it's over - well, we all know how the story ends.