Over the past couple years, I've really distanced myself from a lot of things and a lot of people. I haven't truly felt like 'me' in a long time.
Then yesterday happened.
News that an old friend had passed away. She was only 26. She was a mother. A daughter. A sister. And once upon a time one of my best friends. We never had a falling out. We simply just grew apart. It sucks. It really, really does, but those things happen. It doesn't make the shocking fact she's gone hurt any less.
I don't know really know the type of person Jamie became, but I can tell you the girl she was. She was hilarious. Quite possibly the most hilarious person I'll ever have the pleasure of knowing. She made up poems and songs that would make you laugh so hard you'd almost pee your pants. She was a kick ass friend who was always there to back you up or listen to you if needed someone to talk to. We did a lot of things together. We partied a lot. Made stupid decisions and had a blast doing most of them. There was nothing fake about her. She never apologized for who she was. She spoke her mind. And I remember sometimes even envying how brave she could be.
Growing up sucks. Not being friends with someone you were sure you'd be friends with for a lifetime sucks. But I want to thank Jamie for being such a wonderful and true friend in the years we hung out together. For leaving me with crazy memories of back roading and car wars. For making me laugh and laugh. For nights at Taco Bell, rummy, movies, and even all those times she made me listen to Creed even when I swore if she didn't turn the song my ears were going to bleed out.
And thank you, Jamie, for reminding me just like you did back then that all I ever really need to be is me.
You were nothing short of amazing friend, and I miss the hell out of you. I'm sorry it took this to make me realize that.