One day you're just doing your normal routine. You get up. You go to work and then while you're there you get this news that shakes you down to the core. This has happened a few times to me over the past years and yes, it's all been at work. Last month I started reflected more and more after the one-year mark of a friend's death came about. Until I attempted to post one day, I never realized how her death had me seek out more. And in a way got me back to being the me I haven't been in a while.
This week I got another bit of news that shook up my world. News I guess you could say I kind of always knew could possibly happen. While I shouldn't be shocked, I am. Along with a mixture of a lot of other feelings. So once again, I'm thinking of life. Thinking of how school is coming to an end, the debt I have, the debt I'll be having soon, dreams of writing, failed dreams, wondering what job I'm going to have, wondering if I'm going to have to move, worried about family stuff, and well - just the normal downfall of life. Then this news sprung on me, and while I was on break at work worried and stressed to the max about every little thing it was like my entire brain just came to this sudden halt and said:
Amber Dawn.
Shut up.
Just shut up for a second and listen to me.
Just shut up for a second and listen to me.
Look around you.
Look at what you have.
Look at what you've accomplished.
Look at what you've accomplished.
Look at who you have in your life.
You are alive.
You have the best set of parents and the most supportive crazy family some people would love to have.
You have amazing friends who have stuck by you for YEARS. Some for 20+ years.
You have so much and you don't even realize it.
You are blessed.
I laughed with my tears. Cracked up and thought Wow. Just wow.
I'm not the type of person who stands by the phrase: It could always be worse. It honestly drives me nuts when people say this. I know it could be worse. I know someone out there does have it worse. But it doesn't make my problems snap away in a poof of smoke because one day I say: Oh so and so has it way worse so that means ________ (fill in blank problem) will just go away. How easy! Bye-bye problem!
No, I don't roll that way.
But....I need to work another way. I need to stop letting little things just come all over me and make me spaz out or make me so stressed I'm so sick I can't do anything. I need to get a handle on negativity and certain views..
I guess that's what real bad news is good for. Sometimes when news punches you in the gut, you just have to take a step back, breathe, and remember that you still have a lot. You still have so much more than you will ever truly know how to appreciate until it's taken away from you. Some things you can never get back. Some people will never get to see again. While I know I'm not going to wake up every day from here on out shooting rainbows out of my butt, wearing a constant smile, and never let anything stress me out, I'm going to start having more faith in myself and in others. I'm going to start remembering to breath. And breath a lot. But most importantly I'm going to start appreciating the living heck out of life and those that are in it. Because once it's over - well, we all know how the story ends.
i can relate to this SO MUCH. so so much. since my friend's death i have taken so many more risks and lived my life so much fuller. i miss her so much, but i'm grateful for the inspiration to change her death has left with me.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you lost your friend. It's crazy how we don't even realize the time we waste or what we're not doing until something as drastic as that happens to us. Like you, I'm glad I could somehow take the bad and make it inspire me to want and do more.
DeleteAmber, I have to say that when I read this it brought tears to my eyes. You are such an amazing person and I am definitely thankful that you are in my life even if you are over 1200 miles away. Since I have met you I have put my all into my writing (the past was just a hit or miss to be honest).
ReplyDeleteI know how things can come crashing down on you, I know how others choices can reflect how you feel and live at times and all you want to do is cry or scream or even run away. But you're right. We should all be thankful for what we have and who truly matters. And yes I agree with you about the "things could be worse" speech. I have said that myself in the past mostly to help me sleep at night even though I knew it was just not going to really cut it.
You are an inspiration, not only in my writing, but in how I view life as well. Love you chickie!
Sorry... I just needed to say that :)
Aww, dang it, Cheryl, you got me teary eyed! Who knew a great friendship could have started over two crazy girls that loved to write fanfiction over a psycho :) Love ya too, chick and your friendship means a lot to me!
Delete-tackle hugs- ... cause that's how we roll! :D
ReplyDelete