Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Top 5 Embarrassing Moments of My Life

There is a lot of back story when it comes to GUS NOVEL.  After all, she's hanging out with childhood friends so embarrassing stories are going to resurface now and then. It got me thinking of some embarrassing stuff that has happened in my life so here they are:

Top 5 Embarrassing Moments

. : UNO : . 

Peeing my pants in the first grade. All I can remember was sitting in my plastic chair and for some reason not being able to get up to go to the bathroom. I told everyone around me, including the teacher, that the big puddle of yellow under my chair was orange juice I had spilled. Even after I reeked of pee all day long, I told kids I fell into a puddle of what obviously had to be dog pee when I walked to school that morning. Why oh why did no teacher send me home?! I mean seriously now.

. : DOS : . 

Popping a boob out in the fourth grade. It's occurring to me that High School wasn't Hell, Elementary School was. I was in the music room before school started waiting with a million other kids to be able to go into our classes when two girls kept staring at me AND THEY WOULDN'T STOP! When the teachers told us to line up I realized my neon green button up shirt was missing a button right in the boobage area and there my little boob was for the world to see. I guess it was more like mosquito bites going on there at the time, but STILL!

. : TRES : . 

Anytime I've ever talked to a guy I find cute. There are so many to list. Example 1: At work a couple years ago this new guy came up to the deli, and when I attempted to act all cool I ending up sticking my hand into a bucket of cake icing. Example 2: The time I met Donnie Wahlburg, froze up like a freak when he grabbed my hand to shake it and stuttered out a very loud: OHHHH-KAAAAY!!! (Apparently he asked me how I was doing so in a way it made sense.) That's all I did though the entire time. Just stood there grasping his hand and nodding my head like a moron. Sheesh.

. : CUARTO : .

My 22nd birthday party. First: It was a freaking awesome night thrown by my roommates Shell, Tyler, and Derek and probably the best birthday party I've had since I was eight. The thing is, when I drink, especially a lot and especially back around that time, I get flat out ridiculous. One of my guy friends brought a group of girls to the celebration. During the course of the night one of them (or maybe it was all, I dunno) had stuck a panty liner on our bathroom mirror (RUDE!!) and wrote something on it with my eyeliner. I was pissed. Shell was pissed. So we marched into the garage where the girls were sitting and I started yelling a few things and one line that I'll probably never live down that went a little something like: "...and the only place my panty liners belong are IN MAH PANTIES!!!"

. : CINCO : . 

All the times I almost passed out then passed out. 

First Time: Picture it, circa 1996, in a middle school gym cram packed with everyone I've known since I could say my ABC's. I'm up in the choir singing and suddenly I start getting really hot and dizzy. It was one of those songs where we had some kind of jazz like hand moves, and I remember the girls next to me trying to pull me around with it and helping me because my body was going completely limp. I never actually hit the ground, but everyone for a week kept asking me what wrong with me, and why I kept swaying around like a drunk person. The verdict of that: Locking my knees too tight in a hot crowded room because I was oh so nervous

Second Time: In Cosmetology school while giving a perm my vision started going blurry. I excused myself from the old lady's do that I was working on and went into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, sat down for a minute, and nothing was working.  I came walking out, stumbling every which way to Sunday, and my instructor grabbed me shouting, "Lane! Are you okay?!" I was sweating like a whore in church, my hearing was going in and out, couldn't see for a minute, and after I barely flopped down into a chair. They made me sit there for a while until I could see again and one of my classmates drove me home.  Everyone asked me if I was drunk then too. My mom showed up at my apartment with a thing of food thinking I was starving myself or something. The verdict of that: Blood sugar.

Third Time: Working at Blockbuster one morning when all the managers from ALL the stores were there for a regional meeting. My store manager was in the back getting the room set up, I started getting hot, seeing double, and slowly got onto the floor. The regional manger came over, wanting to call 911, but thankfully my assistant manager agreed with me when I kept repeating not to call. My vision came back, but I was very wobbly as my assistant manager walked me out the door so he could drive me home. Mind you my store was big open glass type of place so ALL these managers are watching me walking across the parking lot when BAM! I hit the ground while a car was driving by.  My assistant manager helps me off the ground, the guy in the car jumps out collecting things that flew out of my purse (pretty sure he grabbed my tampons), and then we continue to the car where once my assistant manger sets me up against his car to unlock it, BAM! I hit the ground again. Finally he gets me home where once again my mom shows up at my apartment thinking I'm starving myself and brings me food. I heard about me eating the pavement from EVERYONE for a month after that. Verdict to that: Another blood sugar episode.

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